Townies

Townies (or Chavs as their new "hip" name seems to have become) are still a complete mystery to me. Before it was simple, all "Townies" were just complete twats, but then i discovered that once you get to know them a few of them (and i do mean A FEW) are actually alright.
Still however i don't understand their logic, why is it that they all strive to be exactly the same as each other in every way? Same music, same burberry caps and the classic example, white checked shirts, what is it that makes them think "I know how i'll pull all the birds 2nite" (wow check me out with my townie talk!) "I'll wear exactly the same as everyone else who's out and then people will notice me and think i'm the dogs bollocks" (mind you it does seem to somehow work!) You all know what i'm on about so i shall end it there, any solutions to this query will be much welcomed .

Lazy Speak

I fucking hate people that once given a phone or a keyboard can't write properly, things like cos and the letters u and r are acceptable but things like plz (please apparently) and fink and dat and... (there's so many examples I could go on for ever but you know what I'm on about right?) anyway, it's my professional opinion that anyone who actually speaks like this clearly need help as they are completely moronic and incapable of mastering very basic vocabulary.

Cows

No Not the place on the Isle of Wight, actual cows. It's been quite well documented (meaning it's well known) my dislike of cows which to this day no-one takes seriously but they do fit into the pattern of things that i don't like because they're unpredictable (Babies, Clowns, Street Performers) and Cows ARE suspicious, if you saw someone acting how cows do wouldn't you be suspicious of them?? Exactly, of course you would. Well cows, you may have fooled everyone else but i'm never going to trust you and your suspicious ways (I'm sure they have some kind of cow telepathy too) and until you've got the whole world fooled you can stay in your sodding shitty fields being suspicious and get turned into burgers before you get too fucking clever!

Buses

Buses are rubbish! I don't understand why anyone goes places by bus (unless of course there's no other option) They're uncomfortable, crowded and slow! You can't get up and walk around or anything, unless you want to fall into poles and old ladies... come to think of it old people are the major bus users aren't they and thats simply because they've given up on any kind of luxury transport (that and they get free bus passes don't they?) The only exception to buses being rubbish is London buses just cos they're so convieniant to hop on and hop off at your leisure, if you can't be arsed to walk down a road then hop on a passing bus for a minute. In general though Buses = Bad so lets all take the Train.

Milk

Milk is just the nicest non alcoholic drink in the world, the semi-skimmed variety that is, none of this full fat stuff or skimmed milk substitute. It's nice, can be drunk any time, it's good for you, can be used in tea and cereal and it doesn't cost too much either. Hooray for Milk!